The other day I was having an argument with my partner when these thoughts popped into my head.
He shouldn’t be upset with me. He should apologize.
Whenever I believe that the other person should be or do something that they are not doing and I get caught up in my judgemental thinking, these questions from Byron Katie come to my mind.
Is that true? Can I be absolutely sure that my partner shouldn’t be upset with me?
When getting caught up in my thinking hurts, questioning our beliefs always brings us back to sanity — Back to the peace of the present moment.
And from this place of the present moment, when we are not anymore caught up in our thinking, we always begin to see something new. We begin to see something that was not visible to us before.
We begin to feel better and view the other person and our situation with more love and understanding.
And that’s when our world that looked so much like concrete before changes.
Questioning our beliefs transforms our experience
Arguing with the reality hurts.
Whenever I believe that the other person shouldn’t be upset with me and they are, I suffer. I believe that there’s something wrong in the world and I feel the negative feelings that are linked to my current level of thinking.
And on the other hand, whenever I’m able to see beyond my thinking and question my beliefs, my world changes for better — It always does.
He shouldn’t be angry with me, is that true?
Can I be absolutely sure that he shouldn’t be upset with me?
Usually the second question brings me back to the present moment and out of my head.
I realize how I cannot be absolutely sure how things should be and that my understanding in the moment is limited. I cannot know how my partner should or shouldn’t be.
Understanding this always opens up my mind and heart to see more what is true.
When we begin to see beyond our limiting thinking
Whenever I question my stressful thinking, I open myself up to seeing something new. I let go of my judgement and open myself for a new reality. From this place I begin to view the world with greater understanding.
I begin to see how my partner getting upset with me, allows my understanding and love to grow. It allows me to see more through the eyes of unconditional love and choose the person in front of me, all of him.
It allows me to accept more of our humanness — Accept also myself when I get caught up in my own stressful thinking and feel the anger burning inside. Which might even happen more often for me, than for him.
It’s not personal, but universal.
It allows me to notice things that I couldn’t see before when I was caught up in my thinking. Like how stressed and tired he has been lately because of his work. No wonder he’s not quite himself.
Whenever I get out of my head and I’m able to see things more in perspective, I’m automatically filled with these feelings of peace, love and understanding.
Being in peace with what is
When the other person does something that we don’t like and we believe that they shouldn’t, we suffer.
And on the other hand whenever they do something that we don’t like and we think that they shouldn’t, but also recognize that our experience is thought created, we experience more peace.
We don’t need to try to change our thinking nor the other person, but simply becoming aware of what’s happening allows us to drop the kind of thinking that doesn’t serve us anymore. And that’s when both our thinking and experience always change.
We begin to recognize how the other person doesn’t need to change and yet, we can be in peace. We can be in peace with what is and love them for who they are.
Our wellbeing is never dependent on the other person, and whenever we get out of our heads and begin to see how this is true, we are automatically filled more with these good feelings.
And the amusing part is that whenever we do this and we let go of our expectations and begin to show up more from this place of love and understanding, we also end up enjoying better relationships. We end up bringing out the best in the other person.
Bringing out the best in our relationships
When your heart is back in the right place, you will bring out the best in others. — Dr. George Pransky
It’s perfectly normal that we all get caught up in our thinking from time to time. We get angry, upset and we judge.
When getting caught up in our heads makes us to lose our awareness of what is and take the other person’s behavior very personally, understanding what is going on on the other hand allows us to get out of our heads and view the world with more understanding again.
Our awareness allows us to more effortlessly move from suffering back to love and understanding.
And from this place when the weight of the judgement is lifted away from our shoulders and we are more in peace with what is, we begin to see the world more clearly again.
Instead of getting too fixated in the behavior of the other person, we begin to see them more for who they truly are.
Whenever we come from this place of love, understanding and acceptance and our heart is back in the right place, not only do we enjoy our life more but also we cannot help but to bring out the best in our relationships.
Heidi Paavilainen
Sharing an understanding that allows us to connect more with that deeper part within us, so that we can find our own answers from within, find that greater sense of wellbeing and have relationships that feel good.
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