Sometimes the hardest times we experience in life can be some of the deepest opportunities for learning available to us. Because of the struggles I have experienced in my relationships I have learned to see what has been really holding me back.
In the beginning it may have taken years, but when I learned to look within and see where my experiences were coming from not only overcoming challenges became more effortless, but I also began to see what was holding us all back.
Today one of my favorite things is to read messages from women who are reaching out to me — Because I can immediately see what is stopping them from having the kind of relationships they want to have.
We all have within everything we need to overcome these challenges we are facing and have the kind of loving relationships we are looking for — whether we see it yet or not.
In this post I want to share with you 3 ways how you can overcome the challenges you are experiencing in your relationship more effortlessly, so that you can begin to enjoy the kind of loving relationships you want to have. These 3 ways won’t only help you to see how to solve the problems you are experiencing more gracefully, but how you have the power in creating the change.
1. Remember that feeling close to your partner is the most important thing
When we experience problems in our relationships it’s easy for us to lose sight of what’s important.
We want to overcome these challenges, so that we can feel close to the other person again, but we don’t see that we are actually self keeping ourselves from feeling connected to them.
We might be feeling discouraged because all of our time is going on arguing with the other person when we would really just like to feel heard, appreciated and loved again. Or we might be feeling lost because the feeling of passion has disappeared and we would really just love to feel the intimacy and love that once were present in our relationship.
I want you to see that we don’t need to overcome these challenges in order to be able to feel close to the other person — But when we first find that feeling of closeness again, it becomes much easier for us to solve whatever there is to solve.
For example sometimes I feel like my partner doesn’t listen to me. In the heat of the moment when I get frustrated, it might seem like he never listens to me. If I’m able to see through my limiting thinking I become more present. From that place of presence I begin to automatically feel closer to my partner again.
I don’t need him to listen to me at that moment to be able to feel good and feel connected to him, I just need to let go of the thinking I have that causes me stress. And when I let go of my thinking and become present it helps the other person to let go of their thinking too, so that they can also become more present. And from that place of presence when they can find that feeling of connection too, they are much more likely to be able to listen to us.
When we stop spending so much time in our heads thinking about the problems we are experiencing we begin to remember what’s important. We come back to the present moment and automatically begin to feel more connected to each other.
Feeling close to your partner is the most important thing in the relationship and when you first find that feeling of connection, overcoming the challenges you are facing becomes much more effortless.
2. The power of good listening
What will also help us to overcome the challenges we are experiencing is to pay attention to our own ability to listen. If you feel like you have lost the feeling of closeness (or even if you are still looking for love and find it hard to feel connected to other people) begin to listen more deeply.
I’m not talking about the kind of listening when you can remember and repeat what the other person is saying. I’m talking about the listening when you can feel the message behind the words used and feel touched by the other person.
This kind of listening is healing and can help us to let go of our thinking so that we can hear what the other person is really saying.
One of my friends shared with me how she felt annoyed because her partner was always worrying about her. When she became more present, she realized how that was only a sign of how much the other person cared about her. Simply by listening more deeply she was able to hear the message behind her partner’s words, and she went from feeling annoyed to feeling closer to him again.
When we deeply listen, not only are we better able to get a feel of what the other person is really saying, but it will also help the other person to feel more heard. When the other person feels heard it becomes easier for them to let go of their thinking so that they are able to listen to us too.
This kind of listening has the power to deepen a relationship so that you and your partner can feel closer to each other again and solve whatever there is to solve more effortlessly.
And how do you do this kind of listening? To the best of your ability listen with an open and relaxed mind. Forget your own opinions and how to respond or react. Simply listen with an open mind and from that place allow your responses to arise.
Trust me, just like my friend you’ll get surprised what you hear when you start to listen to the other person more deeply. The feeling of closeness and goodwill that naturally arises will allow you to solve whatever there is to solve more gracefully.
3. The importance of goodwill
My last advice is to remember the importance of goodwill. Goodwill is the secret ingredient for strong and healthy relationships.
Whenever we have goodwill overcoming the struggles we are facing becomes more effortless. When we lack goodwill we are not anymore working on the same side and it becomes hard for us to find solutions.
If we find ourselves lacking goodwill, that is fine. It’s only a sing of us been caught up in our negative thinking. We want to make a decision not try to solve the situation when we are caught up in our thinking, and take time for ourselves so that our mind can calm down. When we allow our mind to calm down first, we come back to the present moment and automatically begin to feel goodwill again.
Facing our challenges from the place of goodwill allows us to feel more connected to the other person, so that we can work better together and allow more creative solutions come to us — The kind of solutions that work for both of us.
It takes only one person to make the difference.
When we remember that the most important thing is to feel close to the other person and allow ourselves to let go of our thinking so that we can hear the other person more deeply and goodwill can be present, we are set for success. This will help us to bring out the best in the other person.
You just need to see that you have the power in creating the change and when you learn to let go of your thinking and access that greater sense of wellbeing and these tools you have within, overcoming the problems you are facing becomes more effortless.
This way you can solve whatever there is to solve in your relationship more gracefully, stop that endless arguing and bring back that feeling of love and connection.
Thank you for being here. If you have any questions or insights, just leave your comments below this post— I’d love to hear from you!
Ps. If you need more specific guidance to overcome the challenges you are facing in your relationship book a call with me here and we can discover together how you can awaken more to your true potential and have the kind of life and love you are meant to have.